What Not to Say to a Military Spouse

“I could never do that.”

It’s a statement military spouses hear all too often. One meant as a compliment, as a statement of awe at his/her commitment to living a life full of uncertainty, hardship, danger, and heartache. 

It’s something we’ve probably all heard. It’s something you might’ve said once. 

But it isn’t true.

Most military spouses didn’t seek out this life–we fell in love. We fell in love with someone who happened to be in the military or on the path to it, in one way or another.

We fell in love, and now we battle all those hardships–those long nights alone; those evenings wondering if he’ll make it to put the kids to bed; those days spent by the phone, waiting for a five-minute conversation; those countless worries when he’s away; those explanations to friends, family, coworkers, children about why we can’t make certain plans, ever.

But we don’t do it because we’re somehow stronger than those who aren’t military spouses. 

We do it because we have to.

“I could never do that.”

But you could. 

If this was the person you chose, if this was the life they chose, you could do it. You would.

Because that’s all we’ve done. That’s all we’re doing.

We just do. 

We choose to love our spouse more than we hate the hard times. We choose to love the beautiful friendships we’ve made more than we hate the difficult goodbyes. We choose to see all the amazing adventures we’ve been afforded more than we see the ones we’ve missed.

It’s a hard life, sometimes. But it’s one we choose, every day, to live with. Not because we’re super humans. 

Because we are humans in love. 

And you would, too, I bet.

So the next time you meet a military spouse, don’t sell yourself short. Because your life has hardships we couldn’t fathom, either.

Because you’re pretty damn super yourself.

And don’t sell that spouse short, either! That person probably works really hard to do the things they do, survive the things they do–because we’re regular people, too. Surviving what we have to for the one we love.

So here’s to you, superhero–no matter how you’re earning that title!

Raise that glass and get wining.

2 thoughts on “What Not to Say to a Military Spouse

  1. This is all so true. I hate when I have friends that say ‘I could never do that’ , because it feels like they also mean they would never want to! I didn’t choose my husband because he was military, any more than they chose theirs because they were a salesman. I didn’t wake up one day and decide to have an absent husband 😂 it’s hard as all get out, but you’re right; it is a choice we make, every single day. And bottle.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Rachel!! I completely agree! Most of us didn’t choose someone in the military on purpose! I appreciate your insight!!

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